reflecting

I've been sitting here for the last two hours looking at friends blogs. Something I haven't done in probably a year. I'm amazed at the beautiful photos, thoughtful insight, and overall liveliness of their sites/lives.

I can't help but wonder:

Why am I so busy? Am I truly living or just going through the motions of what I'm supposed to do? What will my girls remember most about their childhood? What do I want them to remember? What can I change?

I feel like an artist without color.

Things are going to change.

re-living 1989

This past weekend I was visiting friends in LA and came across this dress in the H&M store. I couldn't believe it. Staring at me was the same dress I used to own at age 13. Really? Twenty-one years later my clothes are coming back in style? I'm speechless.

conversations with ella

The girls can hardly wait until Lagoon opens. We constantly talk about the rides and how much fun we have. It reminded me of a moment last year when we had just finished riding the Terroride (the Haunted House). Ella loves the haunted house and so I had asked her if she wanted to go on it again. She said no and I asked her, "Is it because you're scared?" She replied, "I'm not scared, I'm just frightened."

We've been learning about money and what it takes to earn it. Then Ella and I had the following conversation:
ella: I'm going to buy things with words and money.
me: well honey, you buy things with money, not words.
ella: (getting exasperated) well mooooom...
me: I'm just trying to teach you.
ella: (frustrated) I know you're trying to teach me, but I'm trying to teach YOU.

notes from Aundi—part two

The last time I recorded Aundi’s notes was almost a year ago, so I thought it was time to enter in my stack of notes to our blog. Have fun reading!

On our way home the girls were pretending to be princesses. When we got out of the car they were yelling names of princesses and Ella yelled “Hell!” Instantly she got a really scared look on her face. She hugged my leg and said, “I’m sorry I said that, I meant to say Belle.”
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On the way home the car got really quiet. Then out of nowhere Eva said, “Ella, I love you.” I said to Eva, “I love Ella too.” Then Eva got this really stern look on her face, leaned over and put her arm around Ella and said, “No, she’s my Ella.”
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So this morning we started Ella’s sewing projects. She did a lot of work on her own. I could tell she was really proud of herself and very satisfied that she was making something. While we were sewing we had a good conversation. I was explaining to her all the different types of artists, and I told her that some artists paint, some make flower arrangements, and some sew. Then she said, “When I get older I want to sew warm dresses for little girls who don’t have them.” What a sweetheart!
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Ella got kissed three times by buddy today! She was so funny about it, she said, “I think he did that because he loves me and wants to marry me!” Yikes!
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Ella looked up at me during dinner and said, “I love cauliflower.” Then she said, “It’s because I’m getting used to food.”
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[The week after we had a vacation in Disneyland] This morning while Ella was waking up I said to her, “I missed your little face this past week!” And Ella replied, “Well, I missed your whole body!” I laughed and then Eva said, “I missed your pants!”
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Ella and Eva were talking on the way home from ballet, and Ella said, “Eva, when two people love each other they get a baby…. I love you so that means we get a baby soon.” [We’ve since had “the discussion” on this topic. So funny!]
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Ella was telling Ansel how excited she is to go to Disneyland, and Eva chimed in and said with a huge smile, “I’m excited to see mommy!”
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When we got home from school there were new phone books by all the doors. Ella noticed it and said, “Hey someone left us a new book. That was so sweet of them!”
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Eva slept from 1:00-2:30. The first thing she said after her nap was, “We can’t eat birds.” Hmm. Okay. I wonder if she had a dream about that.
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Today as we were walking out of school, Ella said good-bye and Buddy shouted across the parking lot, “Ella, I love you!” Uh-oh.
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Eva and Ella were playing barbies and Ella’s barbie asked Eva’s barbie if she wanted to go on a date. Then Ella whispered, “Eva, you have to say no. We can’t go on dates till we are 39.”
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This morning we went to Wheeler Farm. I could write a book about all the funny things that happened. First we found feathers. I gave one to Ella and she spent about 15 minutes chasing the geese trying to put the feather back on them. I gave Eva a feather and she licked it like a popsicle. I had a mild freak out! Ewww! A little while later we were looking at the pigs, and there were all these rats hanging around the pig’s trough. They all scattered when we got closer. I made some sort of joke about Templeton. Ella thought that was funny. But apparently there was one rat still there, and Ella was standing between the rat and his hole. I said, “Ella look, there’s a rat by your foot!” Just as I said that the rat ran straight at Ella, it scurried right over top of her feet, and into its hole. AAAH! I had the wildest freak-outs. Yuck! Ella was fine, she didn’t freak out at all. Me, on the other hand, I was screaming like a school girl. We had a good laugh afterwards.
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Today Ella asked what skin was made of…. I tried to explain it and then I gave up and said, “Ella, that’s the perfect question for your Dad.”
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During lunch Ella asked Eva if she could have one of her peppers. “Eva, can I have a pepper? I know I don’t like them but I’m trying to be healthy.” She ate the pepper with her face all wrinkled up.
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When we got home Eva wanted some peppers, as I was cutting them up for her, she really had to pee. She ran down the hall, and back to the kitchen, she looked at me and said, “Don’t eat my peppers!” Then she ran to the potty. The whole time she was on the potty she kept singing, “I love peppers…. Don’t eat my peppers….”
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While we were at Barnes and Noble, Ella asked, “Can we go to Europe for lunch?” I laughed so hard. I explained to her that Europe is very far away and we would have to fly to get there. She furrowed her eyebrows and said, “No, it’s right next to Barnes and Noble!” It took me a second.... She meant ihop!
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Ella learned about astronauts today at school. She told me, “I wish I could fly in outer space and be an astronaut…. But I can’t.” I asked her why not and she said, “Well I can’t because I have to be a princess.”
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We had a picnic at Thanksgiving Point. We spent a lot of time looking at the sheep. Eva looked at one sheep, and went to pet its nose, and stopped suddenly when she saw all the crud on its nose. “Ewww….. boo-ber!” she said.
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This morning we watched family home movies. Ella says that she wants for her and Eva to be babies again because “we were sooooo cute!”
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Eva had a funny accident today. I heard her going pee while I was making lunch in the kitchen, so I went to help her. She was sitting on the toilet with her shorts on, going pee. I guess she couldn’t get her shorts off on her own, but she got the important part right!

"did you know my grandpa used to be a pirate?"

...this is what Ella told my mom about Jason's dad.

Pirate.....Pilot....I can see how she got confused!

happy holidays!

Thanks for visiting our (poorly updated) family blog! I thought I’d get it updated for Christmas; I believe there will be more traffic to our site over the holidays.

This time of year is crazy and bustling, and I really have a hard time keeping up. I’m definitely looking forward to some downtime Christmas weekend.

So, instead of writing a novel [please defer to the post right before this for the extended update], I’d like to just share some photos of the past year.

Have a wonderful holiday season!

begging and pleading

I can’t imagine anyone reads our blog anymore. Considering the last time I wrote was last spring. But on the rare chance that anyone reads it…. Well, I’m begging you to forgive me and enjoy the update!

Our little family has been through quite a whirlwind the last couple years. I’m sure you’ve noticed by the lack of posting. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve enjoyed our lives, our time together, the things we’re experiencing. But it is starting to wear on me and I long for the quiet days in Atlanta, when Ella and I used to take long walks, and read for hours a day, and just….be. I feel like Eva and I have really missed out on that type of childhood.

I’m currently working two jobs again; full-time during the day, part-time at night. I also just started this crazy exercise program called CrossFit. And if you’ve heard about it, you know it’s intense. I hurt, but it’s a good hurt. I finished my first marathon in August and I couldn’t figure out why I was gaining weight after running more than 25 miles a week! I guess my body got too used to running, so that’s why I’m onto CrossFit.

Jason is busy but he only has about 7 months to go and residency is done! We have a serious addiction to house hunting right now. We fondly refer to it as looking at house porn. We’re always keeping our eye open for great homes, and as soon as he signs a work contract (within the next couple months….) we’ll be able to look seriously. Just think, 14 years of apartment living is almost over!

And then there are my babies. Of course, they aren’t babies anymore.

Eva just turned three on Halloween. She woke up that morning and had forgotten it was her birthday. When I reminded her, her eyes lit up and she said, “I three! I not one, I not two, I three!” She was so cute. We had her birthday party a couple weeks before her birthday and she wanted to have the theme of Boots the Monkey (Dora the Explorer’s sidekick). Oh, and it was a costume party. So she dressed up as Boots, Ella was Dora, and all the kids came dressed up. It was Eva’s special day and I loved watching her enjoy it. She really has such a fun personality. The words I would use to describe her are: independent, free spirit, snuggly, sensitive, comedic, and sneaky. She’s truly a unique little girl.

Eva started preschool with Ella and she’s so excited! She has been waiting to turn three and join her big sister at the Montessori school (the class for 3-5 year-olds). She’s also at Ballet West and her teacher said she was ready to move into the bigger class starting January. She is just growing up so fast and developing into such a beautiful little girl. We had our fall family photos taken by one of our photographers here at work. I think he took triple the amount of photos of Eva; he just thought she was so beautiful. She really does have such striking blue eyes. I’m terrified of the day when boys start to notice…..

And my dear, sweet Ella. She is growing up way too fast and exerting her way at any possible moment. Kind of like she’s four, going on 14. Since when did my sweet little girl talk back? Oh man, and the whining. Please tell me it ends soon! Regardless, I love her so much. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my “baby Ella” in her face and it nearly breaks my heart; I miss that stage of her life.

But I love watching who she’s becoming. She is such a sensitive, caring little girl. And she talks to Eva like, “Put the doll over there, sweetie,” or “Come eat some snacks, sweetie.” Always the sweetie. I must say that a lot because she certainly learned it from me! She’s also become afraid of the dark, so we bought some sparkly lamps. She chose pink and Eva chose purple, of course. She likes them a lot and she does much better with them on at night.

And this little Ella is such a smarty pants. She’s way ahead in reading in her class, and writing too. In fact, yesterday she wrote a whole bunch of words on a paper. One of which was “acrobat.” With no assistance. How on earth?!..... It still blows me away. She loves reading books. We finished the first Harry Potter book, and now we’re onto the second. She loves it. She also loves her ballet class and she’s determined to dance on stage with Clara in the Nutcracker when she’s ten years old. I don’t know why that age, but she’s persistent about it. She’s also told me she wants to take gymnastics again, ice skating lessons, and violin lessons. I can’t keep up with her! “But mama,” she says, “It’s only a few things I wanna do.” Ha! It makes me laugh.

We’ve kinda quit the home school thing. They both have lost interest and I always said it would be something we did IF they wanted to. So I’ve had to back off of our curriculum. Bummer. One of the things we were learning this year was bands: Elvis, Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, U2, Frank Sinatra, Pink Floyd, Beatles….to name a few. Oh well. Maybe they’ll want to start again in a few months.

We still have our wonderful nanny in our family, Aundi. She continues to write notes about these girls; eventually I’ll write them in this blog. She’s so patient with us, especially since I’ve been working so much, and so late. Our place is always a mess and every day I come home from work and she’s cleaned it up. I can’t even begin to describe how much that means to me. I look forward to the day I can quit work, but I know that means she won’t be coming over anymore and I can’t stand that thought.

Well, I’ve written a whole novel, sorry! I’ll try to post more often (in smaller increments, lol).